bruddernette

Just read my old entries and feeling immensely sad & scared & nostalgic.
Much has changed over the past 6 months & I still can't quite figure how/when/why.
Worst thing is that we can't go back in time even though it was really much happier then.

I honestly want a Time Turner.

Moving on is pretty similar to moving out.

There's so much clutter everywhere; memorabilia accumulated over time, things you kept thinking they may come in handy, essentials. And really, when you first start, you have no idea how you are ever gonna get all these sorted. Everything just seems too precious to be thrown away and really IS IT NOT SUCH A WASTE.

But you don't exactly have a choice. So after awhile, you give up rescuing things since rescuing one justifies rescuing another and before you know it, you haven't thrown anything out. So you start being brutal and you just toss everything out.

Once in awhile, you get to something really really memorable and you are like "SHIT. I really should keep this."
So you toss most of the things out, and at the end of it, you find yourself in rubble with the shelves and drawers all empty. Everything that's worth remembering is neatly compartmentalised.

It feels empty though. You look at the shelves and drawers and you try to remember what it used to be like, but it's tough. You try desperately to hold on to that feeling of a home, and realised that contrary to what you expected, home is not so much a place as much of a state of being. It could be a palace, a hut, or even just a tent, but the moment you decide that you are leaving it in search of another, it's just gone.

A part of you would be reluctant, would ache to linger. But then you realise that a new owner would take over this place and there would be no signs left of you having ever claimed this place. The house has no semblance of who you are or what used to be, and honestly, the only one reminiscent would be you.

So then you are 'HECK ALL THIS' and you officially clear up and leave.

AND YOU DON'T LOOK BACK. You happily set up home in another place.

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

CHORUS:
Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts
I'm beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

CHORUS

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

"A Bad Dream"- Keane

Why do I have to fly
Over every town up and down the line?
I'll die in the clouds above
And you that I defend, I do not love

I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind

Where will I meet my fate?
Baby I'm a man, I was born to hate
And when will I meet my end?
In a better time you could be my friend

I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Wouldn't mind it
If you were by my side
But you're long gone
Yeah you're long gone now

Where do we go?
I don't even know
My strange old face
And I'm thinking about those days
And I'm thinking about those days

I wake up, it's a bad dream
No one on my side
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
To be fighting
Guess I'm not the fighting kind
Wouldn't mind it
If you were by my side
But you're long gone
Yeah you're long gone now

My cough is finally on its road to recovery after many sleepless nights & hacking in the LT. I kinda passed on the virus though so looks like I'll be passing on my meds too :S

But anyway, yet another week's gone and I still feel so unmotivated. THERE SEEMS TO BE NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

& I ache like crazy. Quads are almost paralysed and every step I take, freaking hurts. & there's a flight of stairs right outside now. WTH.

But oh well, met up with old friends which was nais. Though I was abit under the weather, so didn't quite join in as much as I should have.

On another, I got to know new friends better & it feels almost surreal how friendships improve by leaps & bounds when you least expect it.

Let's see what's on next week: Onight, Kickboxing, OT3! May it get better.

I have a badass cold. Thought I was recovering but woke up this morning and started hacking; plus my tissue pile is still growing.

Panadol Cold better not fail me.

& I have 4 hours to finish GIT physio. WISH ME LUCK baboom!

5 hours later.

Progress: Just. finished gastric secretions. (Takes so long 'cos the notes are skimpy so I need to read the pseudo B&L to get more info) I HAVEN'T TOUCHED B&L yet, sucks.

zomg, at this rate, I'll never finish GIT physio.

Feeling so uninspired & the cold is getting me down. (Pile of soggy tissue growing)

& I have cravings unsatisfied.
- Fruit Flo!
- Mos
- Tuna
- Sleep
- Birks which cost freaking 120 bucks so I'm being really hesitant here

Went prawning for the first time in my life yesterday.

30 bucks for 3 hours and I guess, it was good fun! Got to get past the gross factor 'cos we used worms for bait. Though I couldn't hide my horror at first when we had to saw the worms into quarters.

Then I sucked at hooking the bait, the worm bit kept squirming so I pretty left it to the rest.

Learning how to cast & how to drift the rod from side to side was rather fun! But like fishing, it takes an incredible amount of patience.

Most embarrassing moment yesterday was when I caught a prawn and in my excitement jerked it so hard that the line flew across the air and the poor prawn attacked this couple next to us. I was so so so embarrassed 'cos that ended up tangling our rods! Pretty convinced the guy was gonna come after me for whacking his girlfriend with a prawn. & poor prawn for undergoing so much trauma.

Catching wasn't all that bad. Cooking was terrible; had to skewer the prawns along the length of their body and after skewering; they were still writhing in pain. AAH. Cruel. I couldn't bear to skewer any of them.

Going to hell for killing so many prawns :S (Shariff, if you are reading this, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA BE A PRAWN?)

Yeah but it was good fun minus the second hand smoke. My resp epithelium were so irritated!

But anyhow, enough of fun. Back to the real world groan.

It was a probably a trick of the mind. Not gonna be led by the nose!

Swollen proximal interphalangeal joint. So this is what arthritis feels like.

Sitting here, on this lonely dock
Watch the rain play on the ocean top
All the things I feel I need to say
I can't explain in any other way

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain
Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain
You're the one thing that I'm missing here
With you beside me I no longer fear

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too

I could have saved so much time for us
Had I seen the way to get to where I am today
You waited on me for so long
So now, listen to me say:

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too
Say you feel the way I do

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

At this time tomorrow, I would be in LT 28 impatiently waiting for the end of "Upper GIT Anatomy".

30 minutes later, I would be asking myself what in the world am I doing in "What's your response to your patient?"

Then at 2 pm, I will half jog to the Frontier and jostle with the crowd & attempt to feed myself.

Then I will retreat to Science Library with a cookie and Hot Milo and attempt to cram GIT anatomy for Pre-Lab on Tuesday.

Then I will trudge home wearily; fighting with half the world on the crowded bus & train. Okay, on second thoughts, maybe I will stay later, PAST RUSH HOUR then go home to sleep.

Oh what a routine. D:

Slipping into emo.

Maybe it's cos school is starting on Monday.
Hokay I know I was the person who said I was looking forward to school.
Seeing friends is very rewarding, but I forgot about the anatomy, the physiology, the histology, the heavy textbooks and incomprehensible notes.
More Spinelli is required to make it through Semester 2.

On another note, this week has been rather fun.
Potluck!
Haw Par Villa! (even if it was just for awhile)
Kite-flying!
Bodyworlds/Science Centre! (My inner geek says whee)
BBQ!

Been playing so much; I don't even know how I'll find my way back into the rigor of mugging.
Life keeps side-tackling me though.

I realise I can never be sure of what I am feeling. More than often, it is logic sounding me out & not my heart.
So I will not bother thinking anymore; whatever will be, will be.

Lots of things are happening.

Trying to take them down one by one.

140/100. GGXX.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,
Brighter than a lucky penny,
When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.

My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
When you're in love to stay!


Go watch cloudy with a chance of meatballs!
GUMMYBEARS <3

nette ! says: (10:40:25 AM)
"YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE CRUSHED BY A GIANT CORN"

I really think I am getting old. It's like my body entered this time warp and it can only move oh so slowly. & I get tired like before 12 am.
This can't do! 
I need to learn how to be nocturnal; I think I really need that extra time when the new semester begins.

On another note, whoo cookout with Jiening yesterday. I think my mouth is spoiled, from "his dad is a doctor", I ended up saying "his doctor is a dad" & Jiening being retarded as ever was like "help me congratulate him" -_- But anyway, yes we had quite a good spread.

Veggies soaked in oyster sauce. (VERY SOAKED) Though after that, I was kinda educated that usually oyster sauce goes on AFTER the vegetables are cooked. So heh nevermind only 1 hypertensive dish.

Panfried egg tofu! Which took forever to cook. 

Stirfry chicken fillet with enoki mushrooms! Which was a little overcooked but tasted decent!

& INDO MEEEEE. <3 

& OUR LOVELY MOLTEN BABY CAKES. Of which 2 got destroyed as we tried to flip them over but ooh the chocolate overflowed and it was yummy until we got an overdose of chocolate.

Yes. & Kephas Potluck! Too much food hahaha. But it was awesome seeing everyone after such a long time <3 Will be seeing them for a long time once school starts but haha good people.

& we played some crazy sadistic whacking & pinching game. While it was fun watching sabby, guanhui & adriel battle it out, omg my thighs. Rargh many capillaries burst, my thigh is now a mosaic of red dots. Looks positively abused & gross. 

I hope they fade soon. Shouldn't have laughed at people during Karawaci trip sigh.

Going to Haw Par Villa today!! Whee. 

So ridiculously tired.

Eyelids just kept drooping after dinner; and I just felt that I was barely there.
Ended up napping in the car for an hour or so :S

& I think I am gonna be crashing soon.

Result of late nights & busy days. Need to get my sleep cycle adjusted!

was good fun!

woohoo.

Very tired; but it was good company & yes blessed to have a good & safe nye.

Highlights:
Reverse bungee (not me though but yes was super funny watching the rest)
Failed drinking games (way milder than asher's house & we banned the word "drink" & had a round of no speaking in english so very hilarious)
Jostled through the crowd to watch fireworks and boy were they spectacular! Prettiest way to start 2010.
Groggy for the first time in my life. Lucid but groggy.
Yello Jello again; lol dancing was good fun. No dirty dancing but super happy dancing. Dancing to songs like "That Thing You Do" & "I wanna hold your hand" HOW HAVOC CAN WE GET.

And made it home because of my dear dad who came to pick me up <3 What will I do without my parents. They will probably never stumble upon this but I LOVE THEM.

2010 is here & it's gonna be a good good year. 
Will keep my old friends & new friends; will fight for what I want; will embrace who I am.

Have a good year ahead, friends <3

Oh my gawd. It was such a long & painful night.
Cramps kept me up from 12 till 4 am. The pain was seriously excruciating. And painkillers hardly helped. 

Since I'm at it, here are some medical facts on menstrual cramps.

Menstrual cramps = Dysmenorrhea

Causes? Prostaglandins released cause muscles of uterus to contract. This vasoconstricts the endometrium & the tissue dies. The uterine contractions then literally squeezes out these old tissue of of the cervix & vagina.

Why are some cramps so painful? If there are clots passing through the cervix, or if there's a narrow cervix or if you have elevated levels of prostaglandins.

Ah most effective way of relieving cramps = NSAIDS (Non-steroid anti inflammatory drugs) which lower the production of prostaglandins!

Alright, enough of cramps. Sigh, ouch.

DRIVING LATER. :O

Today was a day spent in sand & the sun with 27ths. :D Feels like nothing much has changed and I am glad for this semblance of constancy. Quite hard to find another bunch of people who do random crazy things and laugh at the same random crazy things.

Nick asked me what my resolutions for 2010 were; I haven't given them much thought. But I shall um start and eventually come up with 10!

#1: To be more adventurous & less worrisome 
Like seriously, I should just forget the "what-ifs" and just whack.

#2: To be harsher on myself
Sounds like a masochist but but I tend to cut myself alot of slack, which is not good. So yes.

#3: To keep old friends & new friends
Gotta be more proactive in catching up & well, gear up for more socialising!

#4: To like myself for who I am
Hmm. Need to be comfortable in my own skin!

#5: To reignite my passion
Been feeling very laidback & unmotivated. Need to find the burst of energy to keep me going!

Kay, shall think of more another day.